Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling cause conflicts to escalate. Catch them early. The earlier the better i.e. before you say them or immediately after hearing them. When these 4 toxic communications start showing up, it's time for a break.
Follow these steps to a better outcome when dealing with escalating conflicts.
1. Announce to your partner that you need a break and how long the break will be. Take at least a 20 minute break.
2. While you're on your break, do something calming and distracting like taking a walk. While you're calming down, stop yourself from using negative rehearsal. Examples of negative rehearsal are, "She's so stubborn," "We're going to end up in a divorce," "I'm fed up with all of this." Replace the negative rehearsal with positive rehearsal. Positive rehearsal needs to be anything that is positive and you believe, like, "I realy like it when he/she says __________," "I really like it when he/she does ____________," "My goal is to have have a happy marriage."
3. After the amount of time has passed for your break, go back to your partner and let them know you are ready to talk again.
If taking breaks doesn't help de-escalate your conflicts, there may be another problem that needs to be addressed in marriage counseling. You can reach me at 512-795-0402. I'm located at 4131 Spicewood Springs, M-1, Austin, Texas 78759. You can find me at www.mariposapsychotherapy.com/marriageCounseling.html
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2 comments:
great advice...like taking a time-out. Yet easier said than done. betcha Chris Brown wishes he had taken "A Break" before moving forward with assaulting Rhianna.--eResumes4Vips
Your tidbits about relationships are helpful. They seem to come at the right time, as reminders from a friend.
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