Happiness--Where Are You?

In my practice I always ask my clients to write goals for what they would like to accomplish. Sometimes my clients have a hard time being specific about their goals and say, "I just want to be happy again."

Initially in working with these clients, they say that "if __________, would change" they would be happy. In other words, if they got what they wanted, then they could be happy.

As I work with these clients, they come to learn that getting what you want doesn't necessary bring happiness and that happiness is a complex subject. There are many theories of what makes us happy. So, I have an exercise I do with these clients to get to the "the juicy" stuff that actually can move them closer to happiness.

When you're pondering your own happiness, identify what it is you think would make you happy and then ask yourself, what about this "thing" would make me happy. So let's say you think having a new Lexus would make you happy. What about having a Lexus would make you happy? "Well, then I would have a beautiful, new car." Then ask the question again. What about having a beautiful, new car would make you happy? "Well, I'm really tired of driving around a piece of junk that breaks down all the time, looks awful and isn't dependable." Then ask the question again. What about having a car that isn't junky, doesn't break down and is dependable would make you happy? "I could stop worrying about whether I was going to be stranded somewhere and stop worrying that my friends, family and coworker think I'm financially irresponsible."

Now we have something to work with. A Lexus for you represents feeling secure and finacially responsible. This is what you are needing. Now we can find ways of getting those needs met without going out and buying the Lexus, which you can't afford.

However, even getting those needs met may not spell happiness. More often it just eliminates unhappiness.

The Dalai Lama has said, "I believe that satisfaction, joy and happiness are the ultimate purposes of life. And the basic sources of happiness are a good heart, compassion, and love."

I have found that the farther away my clients move from having a good heart, compassion for others, and truly loving significant others in their lives, the more unhappy they become.

If you're unhappiness, which often is described as depression, is concerning you, we can work on rediscovering your purpose, living a life of "satisfaction, joy and happiness." You can reach me at 512-795-0402 or on my website www.mariposapsychotherapy.com