Austin Marriage Counseling--Caring for Your Sick Mate

The most prevelent feeling the well spouse experiences when caring for a sick spouse is guilt. There are a multitude of reasons the well spouse may feel guilty. One of the most common is feeling guilt about their own self care. "If my spouse is suffering, I should be suffering," often is the internal mantra running through the mind of the well spouse.

The airline analogy applies here as well as when sitting in an airplane seat. "Put your own oxygen mask on first." If your goal is to take care of your spouse to the best of your ability, don't kill off your ability to do that by not caring for yourself. Take time for yourself to recop. Here are suggestions:

1. If you need help, ask for it. Every good deed you've done has made it possible for you to call on others to help. And it is surprising how often people are completely willing to help someone struggling with caring for a sick spouse.
2. Survey your resources. Who or what organizations might be of help to you.
3. Figure out how you help can help your spouse help themselves?
4. See a counselor/therapist. Often we can't see the forest for the trees. Very often the well spouse can't see options for all the exhaustion. Getting an unbiased, professional's help can lead to new ideas and new perspectives on how to care for yourself and your spouse.
5. Stop and reflect on the possibility that the marital problems between you and your sick spouse may be both normal problems all couples go through and problems related to the illness. To what extent are those problems being worsened by your unwillingness to care for yourself and your partner's guilt about putting such a huge burden on you.
6. Read The Tough and Tender Caregiver, A Handbook for the Well Spouse

If you're struggling with caretaker's fatique or experiencing marital problems with a sick spouse, you can reach me at 512-795-0402. I am located at 4131 Spicewood Springs, M-1, Austin, Texas 78759. My website is www.mariposapsychotherapy.com