My Addiction

I discovered this week that I have addiction. I never knew this. Of course, the "first step" to dealing with any addiction is "acknowledging you are powerless over _________." Well, I'm publicly acknowledging that I am powerless over planning. I feel so compelled to "plan" that I can hardly help myself. I discovered this thing about myself as I have gone through the the last few months with my pending birthday celebration looming over me. My "plan" was to wait until the last minute to "plan" my birthday vacation. This decision was a "plan" to try to have a life changing experience during the year proceeding my 60th birthday.

But I never dreamed my life changing experience would lead to a discovery of addiction. I just can't stand not knowing what I'm going to do for this vacation. Everytime I have a free moment, I find myself trying to find "a cheap flight, vacation etc." I just can't seem to leave it to chance. Of course, the wise thing to do would be to "plan" ahead in order to get the least expensive flights, accommodation, etc. And, my criteria for what it is we will do, is that it can't be expensive. So, I keep thinking, the only thing cheap enough in December will be to somewhere like Alaska, a place where no one would want to go between Christmas and New Years--in the dead of winter.

But I, also, discovered that unconsciously I had a back-up "plan." Tickets to Paris in the winter are very cheap. If all else fails, we'll be in Paris for my birthday and New Years. Who could complain about that? So, like all addicts, I've got a something "stashed" away if I need it. I can get my fix just by reminding myself that I have a back-up plan.

Spontaneity is way overrated and given half a chance I'll stamp it out.
Carolyn Martin